Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
(The Jimi Hendrix Experience. "Hey Joe." Are You Experienced. MCA, 1967)

Let's talk home protection.

When you get right down to it, probably the best thing you can get is an alarm.  Not a silent one, as the police won't be dispatched until the alarm company contacts you to verify it's an actual alarm.  They do this by calling you.  OK, so if a guy breaks into your house and within five minutes hears the phone rings, hopefully he'll know he's rumbled and, with luck, leg it.

But who uses a land line these days?  The monitoring company has you cell number.  And the battery is dead because you've been playing sudoko and MP3s on it all day and forgot to connect it to the charger. 

You're screwed.

No, silent alarms suck.  Get one that makes noise.  Not the kind that that sounds like a duck quacking either, one that sounds like Pete TOWNSHEND, Jimmy PAGE, IMAI Hisashi and David ST. HUBBINS are having a contest to see who can play the loudest!  If that doesn't do it, then enter the fray.

Anyway, home protection is how I'd justify getting a revolver.  A Fernandes Revolver Classic to be precise.

This is a thing of beauty.  Classic Stratocaster body style made of alder topped with quilted maple veener.  It also sports Fernandes' weapons grade sustainer package, built right into it and a tap switch for for the Seymour Duncan Distortion humbucker in the bridge.  In the right hands, this would scare the Hell out of any would be intruder!  Unfortunatly, at $1,600 it's just a little out of my price range.

Well, then, next up would be the Burny HOSHINO Hidehiko Signature (LG-85BT).  Maple top on mahogany Les Paul style body and the neck is mahogany with an ebony finger board.  (That's right, ebony! Like a freakin' violin!) The pickups appear to be custom.  I've tried to do a search for them, but only get hits related to HOSHINO and IMAI's guitars (If I had the money for the IMAI Signature Stabilizer, I'd buy a car!).  I searched YouTube for this guitar to see if there were vids.  I found one!  In the description, the guy stated that he removed the pickups and installed different ones.  Let's let that sink in a bit.  He replaced the custom designed pickups.  WT FUCK?!?  What next?  Put a Civic engine in a '68 Corvette?  Replace the clock on Big Ben with a digital one?


(Fuzzy kittens!  Fuzzy kittens!  Fuzzy kittens!  Ok, feelling better)

Anyway...  WHY NOT WALLPAPER THE SISTINE CHAPEL AND INSTALL A LOWERED CELING?  Sorry.

Anyway, this guitar is actually reasonably priced (for a signature series) with an MSRP of ¥85,000 to ¥89,250 (Roughly $1,020 to $1,070), but I've seen it for as low as ¥78,500 ($950, aprox).  Unfortunatly, I have only found this for sale in Japan (hence prices in JPY).  Everyone seems to agree that EMS shipping will cost about $140.  This means it gets delivered parcel post.  (This totaly sucks, but that's a story for another time.)

Still abit pricey?

Let's ave a look at something else int the Fernandes arsenal.

The Retrorocket Pro.  Again a Stratocaster body like the Revolver Classic, but no maple top.  It also has the sustainer, but no tap switch (easy enough to install, I guess).  The pickups seem a bit generic, but so are the PUPs on a Fender Starcaster, and they're good enough for me right now..  At an MSRP of $799 (tho I've found it for $499 to $599), i't doesn't seem too bad.  (There is also the Retrorocket X, which is prity much the same as the Pro model, just no sustainer package and no way to install one without using a router and a drill!  MSRP is about $300 less.  There are also the Deluxe and Elite models that cost about the same as a Revolver Classic!).

Of course, my choice would be the HOSHINO Signature in black for any of these! (In case someone out there wants to get me one for my birthday...  I'll take the Revolver Classic (in black) if you don't want to order from Japn!)

So, there you have it.  My choice , but any puchases will have to wait untill after Christmas and the creditcard is paid off.  But don't think I'm unarmed!  I have a Fender Starcaster!  (Bought it on the cheap as it was an opened box buyer's remourse return!)

Oh, and I keep a baseball bat by the door...